Mark Darcy's Online Dating Profile

If you're looking online to find Mark Darcy, would you even recognize him?

Mark, 37, divorced, no children
Occupation: Barrister.
Interested in: Women who like me better than Daniel Cleaver.

About me:  I wear horrible things my mum buys me.  I'm haughty, I always seem to say the wrong thing on every occasion.  And I seriously should rethink the length of my sideburns, but I'm a nice man.

Wants: A woman who has elements of the ridiculous to her, an appallingly bad public speaker, who tends to let whatever's in her head come out of her mouth without much consideration of the consequences, but that I can like very much just as she is.

Doesn't want: A verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother.

Reflections on Men Fighting...double mmm

Say what you will about Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason.  In one way at least, it did uphold the exceptionally high standard of Bridget Jones's Diary: men fighting, this time in water!

That's right, because what could be better than men fighting over you?  Men fighting over you in wet shirts.  I know one woman who would surely agree - Bridget Jones herself.

So, vote for the best Men Fighting scene:

(1) Bridget Jones's Diary - Outside, but not with dueling pistols or swords.  It is raining men, hallelujah.

Best fight lines: 

Tom: Fight!  Well, quick! It's a real fight! 
Followed closely by Tom: Good point.  It's a very hard one to call.
Obviously, Tom added a lot to this fight.

(2) Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason - In a fountain.  They believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of their hearts.

Best fight lines:

Daniel: I think you're going to have to drag me.

Daniel:  So what are you going to do now?  Drown me in 6 inches of water?  Mark:  Yes. 

But the real kicker, Daniel:  You know what, Mate, if you're so obsessed with Bridget Jones, why don't you just marry her?  Cuz then she'd definitely shag me.

If you can find one Men Fighting Scene equal to these in another movie, write-in votes are allowed.  But please, do not vote uninformed.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2cxYNyYwBY

What Bridget would think of Avatar

Bridget had an unpleasant movie-going experience for Avatar.  Her urban family all went to see it, but she thought it was a video-game they were playing and sat out for obvious reasons.  Then, when she realized her mistake, Tom offered to go with her to see it again, but it was sold out - she did not plan ahead.  Finally, she rented it and "watched" it.  She was glad that she rented it in the end because...

Minute 30.  Hold on, so they were asleep for nearly 6 years on a space ship?  I'm going to need a drink.  Pause.

Minute 65.  Oh, I see, it's the story of Pocahontas but they're blue - much like my blue soup (that is - blue for no apparent reason.)

Minute 105.  Good God, is this still going on?  I must have fallen asleep.  Tally forth, preserve their culture...snore.

Minute 135.  All right, we've had our fun, get on with it.  Must be off to dinner shortly.  Better just run and get dressed while they go to war or whatever it is they are doing.

Minute 163. (Better known as the end).  What happened?  I missed it due to fashion crisis in closet.  Oh, nevermind.  I'll just look at Wikipedia later.

Reviewing: Why Mr. Right Can't Find You

This was certainly the most polite of the books I've read so far.  Written by a man, it basically says "ladies, I don't care if you want to lose 5 more lbs, or if you don't fit some magazine's definition of fashionable, SOME MAN IS LOOKING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW!  LET HIM FIND YOU!"  Whether it's total crap or not, it was a nice sentiment. 

The book gives examples of the mistakes women make: 

(1) going out in impenetrable gaggles of girls

(2) not noticing being noticed
(3) not going out at all just because maybe the club scene isn't for you.

The tips were:
(1) Start now.
(2) Be open to everything (even waiting in line) as a chance to meet eligible men.
(3) Go out alone, but be smart about it.  (Yeesh)
(4) If you don't online date, you're an idiot.  (Double Yeesh)

I mentioned how this was the nicest of the books, right?  Stay tuned for more rudeness to come...

Bridget on Current Affairs

"Isn't it terrible about Chechnya?  Chech-ny-a."

"Big case, featuring someone called Aghani-Heaney."

"Do you know where the toilets are?"



Actual News,
not just Facebook and
People Magazine

For the longest time, I felt like every time I said "I read somewhere -" it was really code for "I read on Facebook."  But now, I'm reading magazines again, so I'm actually "reading" news stories places other than Facebook.  Amazing! 



So now, when I tell people about how I "read" that research shows Alzheimer's is not deterred by mental exercises like crossword puzzles (as is generally believed to be the case), but instead that mental exercise just delays the appearance of symptoms - I really read that!  Also, I read how drunkards like Bridget will live longer than teetotalers like me - and no, it doesn't depend on the choice of alcoholic beverages (like red wine) or the quantity consumed.  Odd!  Reading!



BJD was written before Facebook, so I'd have to imagine that while Bridget was similarly not dedicating her life to keeping up to date on current events, she was probably getting her version of "the news" from other sources.  Likely, from conversations she overhears in the pub.  Thus, some of the facts would get a little soggy in her brain.