What Bridget would think of Glee

...would go a little like this:

Oy, that Matt Morrison is v. hot.  Am total perv for v. bad thoughts about Finn.  Further proof that men go for crazy girls in form of stick insects.  Note to self: must download album and practice for Christmas party karaoke.  Have sneaking suspicion am genius singer and will impress Daniel.

...whereas I would think more like this:

Mmm, Matt Morrison.  Why weren't you my honor choir teacher?  Everyone else, I'm tired of you.  Please stop.  Could we have more episodes like the Britney one where everything's a dream, so it makes sense to have professionally recorded and choreographed routines?  And if you touch on the subject of religion again, I am taking you off my DVR list...wait, I already did that.

Reviewing: Become Your Own Matchmaker

For anyone who has seen Patti's show, it should come as no surprise that Patti is most interested in matching rich men with perfect women....not the other way around.  But this book is very specifically tailored toward a female audience.  The tone is irreverent and funny, but I'm told that a lot of the rude comments that I thought were jokes....were not.  So I leave it for you to decide.

The bullet points:
(1) Get over past relationships thoroughly.  Cleanse your palate and actually refuse dates for a period of up to 3 months while you're focusing on what you want in a relationship.  (I love this part - but could 3 months be 3 years?  I would like that even better.)
(2) Determine your 5 non-negotiables, and, you know, don't negotiate them.
(3) Lastly, she has a LOT of rules about how to date. 
--Manipulate him into going out on the weekend.  (Um, what if I don't care?  And what if I'm not a manipulative witch?)
--Never meet for coffee. (Apparently, it's an audition, not a date.)
--Get a ring in 6 months, or you're outta there.  (Wow...)
There are tons of other things like don't move in without a ring, don't be intimate without marriage on the table, manipulate him, manipulate him, manipulate him....sheesh.  No wonder she's still single.

So, this book is definitely not for everyone....and definitely not for me.

Bridget on the Scale

"Obviously will lose 20 pounds; number two..."

I'm re-reading Bridget Jones's Diary (shocking, I know), and I came to the part where she actually crosses the threshold that she's dreamt of for 18 years, 119 lbs.  Her friends immediately make her self-conscious about it, implying that she looks tired and has lost most of it in her cup-size.  She resolves to eat 8,000 calories a day and not weigh herself so as to resume more natural shape.  She succeeds!  Now, that's what I call good goal-setting.

I completely know what her friends are thinking.  She probably suffered from the "bobble-head" effect.  That's what I refer to as the effect of losing weight so quickly that your face can't catch up.  If you've ever been around girls with eating disorders (translation: if you went to college), you probably have noticed the bobble-head effect firsthand.

Having lost a fair amount of weight over the last year, re-reading this part made me terribly self-conscious as well.  What are my friends not telling me?  Do I look like a bobble-head?  Chest deflated?  Tired, haggardly?  I think I'll go have a chocolate chip cookie, just in case.  After all, WWBJD?

Re: Colin Jones vs. Jeff

"It doesn't help that you and Bridget have your lovely grown-up club of two."

Another similarity between me and Miz Jones: A great relationship with our father-figures.  Mine isn't quite as easy to explain relationship-wise, but what does blood matter really?

My relationship with Jeff began when he started dating my mom back in the 4th grade.  He was the one who told my mom that I should be allowed to do things like ride in the front seat, order food for myself, speak.  He has been teaching me how to play tennis for going on 21 years now, and we've been making Seinfeld references for about as long.  (My mom didn't think it was nearly as funny - probably because she didn't get it.) 

When my mom would complain about how many DVDs I was buying (with my own money!), he would remind her that I wasn't addicted to drugs or having illegitimate children.  Perhaps a daughter who owns a few too many DVDs and supports herself isn't the end of the world.

Grown-up club of two.  Check.

First Impressions on Edge of Reason

Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason came out Fall of 2004, my first semester at USC.  Sarah and I had discussed going to see it, and we were heading there after a boring Sloan info session (because Sloan was some sure-fire way we were all going to win $15k in scholarships for writing a script about a scientist).  Somehow, word got out that we were going that night, and before I knew it, every girl in the class seemed to be up for tagging along!  Which was great!  Except that now we were a party of around 10, and lots of screenings were sold out of tickets.  Quel nightmare.  However it happened (which I frankly can't remember - other than the fact that we were phoning theaters from cell phones, before we had cell phones with internet, mind you), we decided to go to the uber-expensive Arclight theater in Hollywood where you get assigned seats.  Nice.  Sure, it was pricey, but come on, it's Bridget Jones 2.  It would be worth it, right?  Sigh.

None of us knew each other *that* well, but by the end, I was pretty sure we were in agreement that we had wasted our money.  PAINFUL movie-going experience.  This time, I HAD read the book (and loved it), and I wasn't about to give this movie a second chance.

That is, until it came out on DVD with the Colin Firth DVD extra.  At which point, I added it to my Netflix queue, watched ONLY the extra, and sent it back.

This time, I trashed the movie in person and also on the web.  I added to my social networking profiles under Favorite Books: "Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason - the BOOK, not the horrible movie."  What a meanie.

It wasn't until I saw the movie on basic cable last year that I realized perhaps I'd been too harsh.  Perhaps I was over the frustration the first viewing caused me, and I could watch it with fresh eyes.  I did, and we're in love once more.  Now, granted, it's not as good as the first one.  Sequels never are.  But it's not *that* bad.  I mean, I would certainly prefer to watch it over Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest or Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde.  And let's not even touch Twilight 2: New Moon with a ten-foot-pole.

So in summary: YES, it's a sequel. YES, sequels suck.  And YES, it's not an exception to that rule.  But it can be enjoyed for what it is - girl porn.  A handsome man telling a slightly overweight lady who doesn't have her life together that he loves her and wants to marry her.  And perhaps he might even be willing to fight a cad in a fountain to defend her honor.  And gents, there's something in there for you too!  A hot lesbian, and a hot lesbian kiss!  Not to mention the awesome credits sequence where Daniel Cleaver ends his tale as perfectly as can be imagined.  Give it another chance.  Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.