Bridget on Shoes

Weight: x+16 and growing....left-over pizza in the fridge?  Yes please!

I firmly believe that my death will be caused by high-heels. 

I refuse to wear anything that is less than 3.5 inches high (at least out in public - and out in public included walking the dog, a funny picture when you remember that I walk my dogs in my pajamas).  In fact, it's walking my dog in high heels, specifically, that I fear will kill me.

My dog likes to loop herself around trees, take a step off the sidewalk into the street, and in general not mind me.  One of the streets we walk on has been known to have fast-moving traffic.  (In fact, Sandy and I walked past a motorcycle cop with a speed gun this morning.)  Sandy doesn't seem to be bothered by the traffic and still loops around every tree, street post, "Now Leasing" sign, and sprinkler that dares to spray her.  I follow her so as not to have to take her off the leash and lose what small semblance of control I have over her. 

One day, the perfect storm will occur:  Sandy loops around a tree, I follow her, I slip in recently-sprinkled grass due to high heels, my neck falls under car tires.  Eek!

I've lived a good life.  Let my tombstone read "if only she had been 5'8" without heels."

Bridget gets Political

"What do you think of this situation in Chechnya, isn't it a nightmare?"
"I couldn't give a f^*&, Jones."

I'm sure Bridget would probably do this over drinks with Daniel Cleaver after practicing saying "Osama" a few times in the mirror to make sure she's nailing the pronunciation, but here goes...a very rare political comment from me.

I remember a day when a President I didn't vote for, who lost the popular vote while winning the electoral college, announced to us all that he was going to go after the ******* who killed 3,000 American civilians.  I remember cheering for him.  Didn't everyone?

So, now another President, one I did vote for, who recently proved he is in fact a US citizen, announced to us all that he got that ******* who killed 3,000 American civilians.  I'm cheering again.  Why isn't everyone?

Osama bin Laden was neither a Republican nor a Democrat.  He attacked us for everything that both parties hold dear.  If you want to let his death tear us up over party lines, then in the most over-used words of that former President, "the terrorists win."

It's a good day to be an American.

Bridget on The Royal Wedding

If I were truly Bridget Jones, I'm sure I would have watched the Royal Wedding Friday morning.  She'd have had friends over, and they'd all drink mimosas (and when she ran out of OJ, just straight booze).  Jude would have brought over lady fingers with raspberry jam. Shaz would have come over, under protest, to argue about how wasteful all of the fashion and ceremony (all of which she knew by heart and in great detail) were to the tax-payer's money.  No doubt, all three would be drooling over the idea of being a princess.  A real princess.

However, I couldn't have cared less about the whole thing and didn't set my alarm clock OR DVR so I could watch the ceremony.  Nope, I just went about life as if it were a normal day.  Because it was.  I wonder if I'll live to regret that one day.  I remember watching a tape my mom made of Princess Diana's wedding. (Gosh, is that possible, to have had a VCR then?)  I know she got together with a friend to watch it live and probably ate something very British while doing so.  Why is it so different this go-round?  I know plenty of people who were into the wedding, but personally, I didn't care at all.  And when I saw unavoidable clips in the news, all I could think was "I'd have fallen on my face or embarrassed myself in some way.  Thank goodness I won't ever be a princess."

Well, I guess Bridget and I have that in common at least.  Falling down a lot.

Bridget on Hockey

At work, overhearing talk about hockey games... (PS - didn't we all vow to stop caring about hockey when we lost to Canada in the Winter Olympics last year?)

"How about that game?"
"A real nail-biter."
"How about that [player I can't remember]?"
"Yeah, he used to be our closer."

At some point around this time, they notice me - silent in the corner of the room.

"Kelley, are you into hockey?"  (Sarcasm noted)
Me:  "Oh absolutely.  You know, with the hip checks and the three periods and all....no, I'm not into hockey."

They do know that hockey players lose their teeth to stray pucks and that girls like boys to have ALL of their teeth when they smile at us sheepishly, right?

10 Year Anniversary of Bridget Jones's Diary! (Movie)

I must make you all aware that you've been thinking about Daniel Cleaver asking Mark Darcy if he should 'bring his dueling pistol or his sword' outside, Bridget sliding down a fireman's pole on national television (good thing it's a rather small country), Bridget's enormous panties/short skirt/see-thru blouse, and lastly Bridget's bunny suit (Bop-bop!) for TEN YEARS! 

How is that possible, you ask?  How could it possibly be only ten years that you've had those images in your head?  It's like trying to figure out what we did before the internet.  Or how we survived without cell phones.  It's impossible to figure out, and we just have to praise our respective deities for saving us from our lives before Bridget.

So, before the end of the month, PLEASE celebrate 10 Years of Bridget Jones by doing something that only Bridget Jones, "wanton sex goddess with a very bad man between her thighs," would do!  I expect the stories of your adventures in the comments section!  Either that, or your favorite Bridget Quote...

A few of my favorite Bridget Quotes:
(1) At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible, and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable.
(2) Obviously will lose 20 pounds, number two...
(3) Will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick-insect. This time I choose vodka, and Chaka Khan.
(4) The only thing worse than smug married couple: lots of smug married couples.
(5) Wait a minute. Nice men don't kiss like that.

A few of my favorite non-Bridget Quotes:
(1) Outside?  Should I bring my dueling pistol or my sword? (Clearly...)
(2) Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or a slightly smaller nose?
(3) FIGHT. Come on, it's a real fight.
(4) There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm wearing something quite similar myself.  Here, let me show you...
(5) Bridget works in publishing and used to run around naked in my paddling pool.