Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Sliding Scale of I Heart NY

The scene: I went to New York City (where bad Salsa is made...and also bad jokes like this one) this weekend. I have to say, I have a love/hate relationship with New York, and NO ONE prints that on a t-shirt.  Because of this, I can never buy the most popular New York souvenir.  It's depressing.

So, here it is, my sliding scale of feelings toward NY.

10) "I Heart NY"  I haven't felt this, and it would be simpler if I just could already!  I imagine it's when you've watched every Woody Allen film, and you just feel like NY is totally living up to it.  How I'd feel about Scotland.  Just the end-all / be-all best place ever!

9) "I really like NY"  When my high school friend texts me that he's starring in Jersey Boys tonight, and I just happen to be in town and can make it.  It's a pretty freaking amazingly good moment.

8) "I think NY is pretty cool."  When you get on the subway, have to make connections, and you still get off at the RIGHT stop, just in time to ice-skate in Rockefeller Center.

7) "NY has some good qualities"  When you go to the Natural History Museum, and the line is out the door so you have to buy your tickets on your iPhone and bribe the security guard to let you in the Exit so you can print your tickets at the kiosk.  But DINOSAURS.

6) "I had a good time in NY once."  When you are on the trip in the middle of August and sweating through your shirt (and you only packed ONE shirt a day, horrible luck), but you remember that time you were there in January to see the Daily Show on your birthday, and you got to talk to Jon Stewart.  Or that other time you were there in lovely March and you got to shake hands with Stephen Colbert.  Why can't this time be like those?  Right, August.

5) "I can tolerate NY"  When you realize you've been running around so much that you haven't been eating, and you certainly haven't had any water because, gross.  But it's all good, because you stumble upon a diner that's open 24/7.  Seems like as good a time as ever to try this matzo ball soup everyone likes.

4) "I've been worse places than NY"  When you're there, and you're so very lost and tired, and you have already spent your last $20 bill on your LAST cab ride, and you swear you're going to figure out this mysterious "Express" train if it kills you...but then you remember that time you were in Boston and the cold wind was so strong that you couldn't walk 2 ran into that Starbucks to warm up before turning around and going home.  This too shall pass.

3) "Huh, I didn't know NY was the Mecca of Jerks."  When you get shoved one too many times, and you hailed a cab, but someone else stole it, and the next cab driver takes you, but he must have just been released from his anger management class because OH BOY, how can anyone relax when they're being tossed out the window and annoyed with constant honking...but then he expects a tip?

2) "Can someone please take me back to JFK?  Please?"  When you just can't take the cramped, crowded spaces anymore.  Will someone open a window?  WHAT IS TOUCHING MY LEG!!

1) "Get me the F out of this dirty, rat infested cesspool!"  When you change your return ticket to an earlier one because you'd rather sit in a seat where you can't get up for 6 hours and breathe recycled air than spend one more second in the grossest place on earth.

So yeah.  We have a love/hate relationship.  I'd like to say that this past weekend, I experienced a 9-5.  Not too shabby!

1 comment:

  1. I still haven't even been to NYC. Crazy, right! But yay for returning to your blog! I love that! (But now it's time to change the caption below the header!)