Before Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy climbed out of a lake with a clingy wet shirt that Bridget would drool over, there was another wet shirt. This one was Black. Ripped. Soaked in blood. It was partially torn off in the Fire Pit, taken off in the Pit of Despair, and miraculously found and reassembled at Miracle Max's. (Guess that's why they call him Miracle Max.)
It was worn by Cary Elwes as he played Westley aka the Dread Pirate Roberts. And I met him tonight.
Back story on my love for The Princess Bride:
It came out in 1987. I was 8. I did not go see it in the theater. But one day soon after, a video store clerk recommended it to me. Probably because I was a little girl, and he'd heard little girls liked it. Probably not because he'd watched it and knew it was the best movie of all time, ever, never-ever to be dethroned. Probably not because of that. But fortunately, I was a little girl, and so he recommended it to me. And I watched it. And I loved it. Loved it like I will never love any other movie ever again. How could I? It's the best!
The next time we went to the video store, I rented it again. Then again. Then again. Then again. At this point, my mom thought there was something wrong with me. She asked me why I didn't want to rent a different movie since I'd already seen The Princess Bride many times before. Well, I'll tell you, Mom. It's because it's the best movie ever. So, yeah. At the time, I think my answer was "but I haven't memorized it yet." (I did soon after. I wrote the script down while watching the video, with ample amounts of pausing.)
Then, I offered to recite it from start to finish on our family car-ride to Florida. I believe the response was "please, God, no." Still, I started with the baseball video game noises of Take Me Out To The Ball Game, but I probably stopped when my mother either hit me or pulled over and left me for dead on the side of the road.
To say this movie has had a profound effect on my life would be to say the sun has a profound effect on how we distinguish between day and night. I define good people as people who say it is their favorite movie and others as people who must not have seen it yet. I have bought multiple copies of it on DVD and given it to people because they've said they'd never seen it.
So, when I went to see Princess Bride in the theater tonight and found out we were having a surprise guest of Cary Elwes after the movie, I about lost my mind. Ok, I lost my mind, but I held my body together. Westley is everything I've ever wanted in a man. He's smart, not to mention clever, vulnerable, loyal, loving, funny, and, um, dreamy-looking (with eyes like the sea after a storm). There's just no contest between him and other men. As. You. Wish.
In Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, Bridget interviews her obsession Colin Firth. It's the funniest chapter of literature in existence. I'd like to channel that with a little bit of Chris Farley interviewing Paul McCartney, and that will be my version of an interview I had with Cary Elwes in my mind tonight. (See, the actual interview we watched was led by a douchebag, so I decided to imagine my own.)
But that will come tomorrow for I'll need time to live up to those excellent examples. For now, just think about what it would be like to touch Cary Elwes. And know that I've done that. Hellz yeah.