Thursday, December 1, 2011

Smug New Mothers

The story's out.  The third film will be about Bridget Jones, the new mother, entitled "Bridget Jones's Baby."

  • Colin Firth will most definitely be in tons of scenes, given that Mark Darcy had better be the Daddy. 
  • It would be quite challenging to fit in a scene of her doing drugs in Thailand, my least favorite scene of the sequel.
  • The weight gain and insecurities will be a proper theme for a new mother.
  • I can't wait to see the Joneses and the Darcys as grandparents.  Joy!
  • It's another chance for Bridget to be on the screen and go through an important life chapter, giving us possible quotes for when we go through it ourselves.  The new "eating the entire contents of one's fridge" after a break-up could be "the only thing worse than a smug new mother - lots of smug new mothers." 
  • Edge of Reason's best scene is a DVD extra where Bridget interviews Colin Firth.  This is a bit reminiscent of Love Actually's best scene being the extended version of Hugh Grant dancing that was also a DVD extra.  In other words, those movies stunk.  A fact which does not stop me from watching them when they come on television.
  • There's no drinking or smoking for a new mom....sigh.  But there can be "talking total nonsense."
  • We know Daniel Cleaver will make an appearance, but the stakes seem just a little too high for a rekindling of their romance.  I don't want to see him wrecking their home, complete with a BABY!
  • Oh please, dear God in heaven, don't let there be a projectile vomiting scene in which Baby spits up on Mark Darcy's barrister gown.  I will cry if you reduce yourselves to that level of comedy.
  • Will she have become a smug married herself?  The risk exists. Oy.
  • There is a chance that this actually will end with her delivering the baby in the hospital...oh how wrong they could possibly do that.  In fact, there's pretty much no way they could do it right.
  • If they even use the word paternity test, I'm walking out.  Full stop.
  • Everyone remembers there's no book this is based on, right? 

In short, Hooray for there being a new movie with Bridget and my two favorite Brits.  Boo for there being a v. g. chance that this will win tons of Razzies.
PS - does anyone remember when Renee Zellweger was actually nominated for an Oscar for Bridget Jones?  Thrilled me to the core.  Oh look how far we've fallen, Bridge.  I fear for your future, but only out of love.

Pssst.  Helen Fielding....ever thought about making a Daniel Cleaver spin-off movie instead of a sequel?

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