Friday, July 29, 2011

WWBJD: Real Life

Some days, nothing really has to change for you to see that your life sucks.  That you're never going to get what you want in life unless something changes, and nothing's going to change for a really long time.  Even if you've been promised it would.  Even if you deserve it.  Even if you have a very easy to implement way for it to change immediately.  Even if you have said as much multiple times, and not really gotten a good reason for why it's not changing in response.

I guess I didn't realize how much like my biological father I really am.  That I've constructed a world based entirely on my denial of reality.  That I actually kind of sort of believed this world was real.  That I really did forget the truths that I couldn't accept, couldn't face day in and day out.  But some days, they all hit you smack dab in the face, like the sliding glass door your dog thinks is open.  Bam, nose crunching, head smashing, on the floor knocked out.  Everyone's laughing, and you know you should be laughing too - if not for the fact that it hurts.

That's what I mean about nothing having to change.  The only real change is your own perspective.

So now, I'm sitting here, wondering how I can manage not to cry.  I have a book that I find thoroughly entertaining (I read books as a part of work - note: that's the part of work I like), and the 65 pages I have left to read could fill this little period of emotionally draining suckage. 

What would Bridget do?  Read the book or Cry?

I think she'd eat.  I'm going to track down some chocolate stat.

Update:  I hate it when I'm sad.  Sorry, guys.  But maybe someone will read this and know they aren't alone.


  1. We should have dinner & you should finish the book, while thinking of what yummy things we will have. As for the crying, something tells me Bridget might have a moment of enlightenment & start singing herself a theme song!

  2. I say cry. Sometimes we just need to cry. It's a natural stress reliever.

    And chocolate, yes, of course.

    Also, being sad totally sucks. But reflecting on sadness can be good and can stir up the strength to make changes. My favorite blogger (Sarah Fain has Starfish Envy) says you gotta get sad to get happy, and I think there's something to that. Something about realizing life isn't how we want it to be helps us figure out a new path that will get us closer to our passion.

    Okay, I'm going to stop imparting wisdom now and get my sleep on. Call me tomorrow! I'll just be painting my new yellow bedroom. :)

  3. My mom is totally insane and just had a crazy meltdown at my expense. I was thinking the whole times of ways that I'm like her and how bothered by that I am. Nothing like taking on parental traits that we despise. I think just noticing is a good sign because I bet your biological dad doesn't realize that he's like that.

    Feel better.

  4. I read the book, but I didn't hurry. And yes, Kelly and I most certainly ate yummy things. :-)

    And TJ, unless packing it all up and quitting is a change that I'm supposed to be making, the fact of the matter is that there aren't any changes to be made to make things better. I don't get sad when there are things I can do to make things better. I get sad when there simply aren't. That's pretty much the only thing out there that's unfixable, and by nature, I'm a fixer! But I do wish I had gotten to talk to you this weekend or yesterday when you called while I was at work. Anyway...

    And Crystal, total bummer! I'm sorry y'all had a fight. I think it's good to recognize it too.

    BUT, and this goes for all three of you, NOT A SINGLE DAY GOES BY that I don't think about how wonderful you all are. So there's that.