Some days, nothing really has to change for you to see that your life sucks. That you're never going to get what you want in life unless something changes, and nothing's going to change for a really long time. Even if you've been promised it would. Even if you deserve it. Even if you have a very easy to implement way for it to change immediately. Even if you have said as much multiple times, and not really gotten a good reason for why it's not changing in response.
I guess I didn't realize how much like my biological father I really am. That I've constructed a world based entirely on my denial of reality. That I actually kind of sort of believed this world was real. That I really did forget the truths that I couldn't accept, couldn't face day in and day out. But some days, they all hit you smack dab in the face, like the sliding glass door your dog thinks is open. Bam, nose crunching, head smashing, on the floor knocked out. Everyone's laughing, and you know you should be laughing too - if not for the fact that it hurts.
That's what I mean about nothing having to change. The only real change is your own perspective.
So now, I'm sitting here, wondering how I can manage not to cry. I have a book that I find thoroughly entertaining (I read books as a part of work - note: that's the part of work I like), and the 65 pages I have left to read could fill this little period of emotionally draining suckage.
What would Bridget do? Read the book or Cry?
I think she'd eat. I'm going to track down some chocolate stat.
Update: I hate it when I'm sad. Sorry, guys. But maybe someone will read this and know they aren't alone.