Thursday, October 14, 2010

Vice Advice

Friends have noted that I don't seem to have enough vices to "give up" in my year of all things Bridget.  While one friend suggested getting a quick drug addiction, I think I'll pass on that and just look to my own vices.  I have PLENTY!

So I'll just substitute some of mine for Bridget's.  Hers: "drink less, and quit smoking...and stop talking total nonsense to strangers."

(1) "Drink less" - The calories in alcohol are an awful lot like the calories in the chocolate chip cookies that I am compelled to buy at the Disney commissary every day that they sell them.  (Today, had to settle for M&M.)  Something about how they aren't always available makes me justify buying them when they are.  "I'm just buying this because they have them today, but I can save it in my desk for a snack when I really need it."  Cut to an hour later: no cookie in sight.  It does feel a little bit like the alcoholic who hides bottles of vodka behind the fridge.

(2) "Quit smoking" - I bite my fingernails like crazy.  I've given it up time and time again, but I just keep falling back off the wagon.  I put bad tasting polish on my nails, but I somehow managed to endure the taste!  It's a little like a smoker trying to kick the habit with nicotine gum but then wakes up in the morning and smokes before they realize what they're doing.

(3) "Stop talking total nonsense to strangers" - For me, it would be a bit more like "stop being so freaking shy."  True story: on more than one occasion, I've gone to ladies' rooms to look myself in the mirror and pump myself up enough to go back out there and mingle.  That doesn't just happen in movies!

The fortunate thing is that Bridget defeats zero of her vices.  The other fortunate thing is I can enjoy all of these guilt-free until January 1st.


  1. That's right, live it up biting your nails and being shy until January! :) And now cookies are calling my name. I happen to have bought some double stuff oreos for our camping trip...and just one missing from the pack wouldn't be so terrible, right? :)

  2. Totally....if you can only eat just one! (But who can???)

  3. I don't think you understand both how many calories are in booze and what a drunk she was/is! hahahahahahha.

    Also, you left out a very important resolution:
    Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.

  4. That one is in the first post - I pledged to do it. She and I have that one in common except for the fantasizing.