New Years Day: Resolutions

Weight:  X+15

I will:
* Obviously lose 15 pounds
* Do 60 crunches (4 sets of 15, upper, lower, left side, right side) and 40 leg lifts for every time I consume food, when I wake up, and before bed in an effort to actually have visible abs for first time in life.
* Have at least one meal a day that doesn't come from the freezer and/or require the microwave.
*Only re-read one Jane Austen book all year- and only on my birthday weekend.
*Fight the instinct to fix everything immediately and instead LISTEN to people.
*Learn seventeen-bajillion languages.
*Interact with more humans than dogs daily.
*Remember that skinny girls do not eat pretzels dipped in nutella for dinner.
*Stop mistaking cereal for vegetable.
*Stop shopping online...except for Amazon....and JCrew sales....and shoe-sites....ok, scratch that.
*Subtract 50 cals from daily allowance for every time I chew my nails.  If they are so tasty, let's see how filling they are!
*Get up early enough to eat breakfast at home.
*Smile instead of sharing my opinions all the time.
*Write down all the bad things that happen to me to get them out of my system, rather than boring everyone with my personal, daily, meaningless struggles.
*Be (even) kind(er) to telemarketers - have made great strides, but came from very low place.
*Honk horn to save lives - rather than assuming other drivers can hear my monologue of "what are you doing?!?! You're going to hit me!!!"
*Use. Gym. Membership.
*Take vitamins.
*Stop walking dog in pajamas - or at least pajama sets that are CLEARLY pajamas.
*Use dining room table for something other than sorting the recycling.

I will NOT:
*Take myself too seriously.
*Forget what's really important in life.
*Be shy.
*Gossip relentlessly.
*Complain/whine in dolphin tones.
*Be close-minded.
*Dance around condo as if camera crew collecting footage for Ally McBeal type show, starring me.
*Drink caffeine after 2pm.  No, really.  Will. Not.
*Eat movie theater soft pretzel instead of meal.
*Curse. 

Let's see if I make it through the day; yeesh.